Aint No Rest For The Wicked: Post Retcon Version
by KatTheFirePheonixWolf
Summary: Nicholas Blackheart and his AI, ANTI, have an argument while Samantha Snake watches and butts in. Also there's mentions of Garfield inflation. Also also Nicholas Blackheart is a raging incel of an evil villain.


**Crossover Chaos: Heroes Unlimited**

 **Ain't No Rest For The Wicked**

Written by Kathryn McAndrews

Based off of the fanfic series by Spiroucore and NinjaKittyofRage

* * *

 _In this fic, we take a look at what goes on in the Blackheart Society..._

"Who are **you** to tell me what is and what isn't?" Samantha said, crossing her arms. "I _swear_ , you're trying to make me one of your weird lovers or something, Nicholas. Remember Ilana?"

"Oh god, don't remind me." ANTI snarked. "She wrote a damn good song about you, monsieur. Not that I listened to it, or anything, I was an old man then."

"Hey, you don't know that!" Nicholas yelled, adjusting his (fake) eyepatch. "You were old then! And besides, Jacques, you're my AI now, and I want you to become a killer."

ANTI squinted as Blackheart said " _killer_ ". "A what? You've got be kidding me, I'm a cartoonist turned AI, I have no killing skills!"

"Who says I can't train you?" Nicholas said, smiling, raising his eyebrows.

"Are you dense, or something, monsieur?" ANTI said, frowning. "I have no physical body. I'm just a consciousness uploaded into a computer and given a wireframe digital form."

Samantha snickered at Nicholas's confused expression.

"And also, you were an actor for most of your life, anyway."

Samantha snickered more. "Yeah, honey, the evil and crazy thing doesn't suit you at all."

Nicholas looked angrily at Samantha, then looked up at ANTI again. " _ **ANTI!**_ _ **Google Garfield Inflation!**_ "

ANTI furrowed his brow. "...Why-"

" _ **Just do it!**_ " Nicholas barked out, and barked out the Garfield Inflation request again.

ANTI rolled his eyes, and googled the request for him. "Oh, _mon dieu._ "

Nicholas cackled. "Now send one of those pictures to Tony Rose, and add the word "You" on Garfield."

"Why?" ANTI asked.

" _Memetic warfare._ "

"Nicholas, you're literally calling him fat, and using a picture of a character his AI played when he was alive-"

"What the fuck is this, _Space Odyssey 2001?_ " Nicholas growled, frowning. "I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave." He said, imitating ANTI.

"Fine! I'll send him the picture!" ANTI snarled, and sent Tony the picture.

"Thank you, ANTI. Now get Samantha out of the room and google me some porn. Open up Pornhub or something, I don't give a shit."

ANTI looked mad. "And get a virus? After all, I'd rather interest you in drawn porn, how about some of my own?"

"Nah. I wanna see lesbians getting it on. Is there anything with that Seccotine girl you made?"

ANTI frowned... "I'm not sure why you think any of my creations are hot, nonetheless the flat chested one."

Nicholas smiled. "Well, we're in a Who Framed Roger Rabbit styled world, so every cartoon character is real here. Maybe she's a porn star or something."

ANTI stared at Nicholas as Samantha got out of the room, really mad.

"She's the only girl in the Society, and she's left the room. You really don't know how to respect a woman, Dave."

" ** _Oh, fuck off and give me my porn._** "

* * *

Tony was working in his lab, when Crescendo made the sound of a phone ringing.

"Incoming message from the Blackheart Society!" Crescendo said, making more phone ringing noises.

Tony stared at Crescendo, frowning. "What do they want now?"

Crescendo turned into hologram form, and smiled. "Well... you want me to open it? It's a picture."

Tony thought for a moment, then smiled. "Alright, why not."

Crescendo opened the picture. On the picture was Garfield at a table, busting out of a corset, with plates of food on the table. On top of Garfield was the word "You" in all caps, in pink.

"Probably just Nick being an idiot again."

Crescendo nodded, smiling. "Want me to delete it?"

"Yes, please." Tony said.

The image disappeared off the screen.

"I just don't understand Nick." Crescendo said, scratching his holographic chin with one of his blue robotic tentacles. "He was so nice, so respectful... and then something happened to him. He went all evil and crazy."

"Yeah..." Tony said. "I think it's the politics of the world that are getting to him. President Chaor's planning another war against the Danians again, and I hope it's not nuclear. And I think that because Fenrir didn't win... Dave went all criminal-like."

"It's better that Fenrir didn't win, Tony." Crescendo said, smiling.

"Yeah, I heard Earth-Prime's Fenrir won. We were just lucky enough to get taken over by the Underworlders and have Chaor be our president, or else he would've won too."

"True, true..."

The sound of barking was heard from outside the door, startling Tony. Tony ran outside of the lab, and saw Gaston chewing on one of Prunelle's shoes while it was still on his foot.

"...Do I even want to know?" Crescendo asked.

Venkman yelled at Gaston, trying to get him to not chew the shoe. "No! Bad dog! _Bad!_ _ **Bad!**_ "

Tony shook his head, and went back into the lab. "Nah, you really don't want to know."

 **The End**


End file.
